The Length of What He'll Do
by RuAlf
Summary: He will give him everything. Every inches of his life he would voluntarily devote to his little brother and never would Shigeo thinks otherwise. With his fingers splayed on Ritsu's closed –blind, his mind whispered insidiously- eyes, he made an oath to never let anyone touch his pure, innocent brother. Or Alternatively in someone else's eyes.
1. Chapter 1

The Length of What He'll do

He will give him everything. Every inches of his life he would voluntarily devote to his little brother and never would Shigeo thinks otherwise. With his fingers splayed on Ritsu's closed –blind, his mind whispered insidiously- eyes, he made an oath to never let anyone touch his pure, innocent brother.

Or, Alternatively in someone else's eyes.

…

One moment his body was experiencing horrible pain, the next moment his heart felt like it was split into two. There was so much blood, too much, how could someone as small as Ritsu has _that_ much blood? His whole body trembled as he dropped beside his little brother, afraid of touching the fragile and -oh, god what had he done?- small body. Ritsu was whimpering in pain. Agony tumbled out of his tiny lips like streams of river and he wished he could soothe him.

There was someone else there, speaking with him in worried voice. A pat on his shoulder, so fleeting and warm that he paid no heed at all. Someone was speaking rapidly right beside him, his mind barely processing the words they spoke of. He focused himself on Ritsu, on how he would be able to help him. A dark, nagging feeling was scratching at the back of his head and he tried his best to ignore it even as its whisper grew louder and louder, deafening his ears from everything else.

 _It's your fault. It's YOUR fault. It's YOUR FAULT. IT'S YOUR FAULT. It'S YoUr FauLT._

Footsteps and then there were people. People who tried to take his brother away from him. Shigeo glared up, eyes unseeing as he felt something within him palpitated and lashed out in warning waves of invisible force. They were staring at him, baffled and frightened. He didn't care, no. No one else could take Ritsu away from his safe - _sinned_ \- hands. His throat produced a growl as he moved to cover his brother from those people. There were murmurs that sounded more like a buzz under the whisper in his ears.

Two hands, warm and sweaty took ahold of both his cheeks, snapping the haze blanketing his eyes and silencing the whisper in his ears. He blinked; a pair of dark eyes met another. "Kid…" it's a man, his mind managed to process, "…you can come along if you must, but for now, let the professional handle him…" he said firmly. Shigeo's lips parted to refuse him, to let them know that no one can touch Ritsu. But the tiny, rational mind in his head won over the argument and he squeaks out a small, pitiful, "Okay…" before he dropped his hands. The man, seemingly satisfied, let his cheeks go.

He watched blankly as people carefully lifted Ritsu to a small bed-like equipment and meticulously wheeled him into a white van. One of them took ahold of his hand –not that man- and silently led him inside too, ordering for the other to make space. He was seated across someone who was wiping the blood off of his brother and he squirmed, uncomfortable by the belt across his chest down to his waist. Ritsu was still breathing, albeit with great effort. Shigeo twined his hand together and squeezed. He didn't dare to touch Ritsu.

These hands…

With these hands Ritsu was hurt.

His teeth clacked together, tears brimming in the corner of his eyes. Is he a monster? Is he not human? It's his brother he had hurt…what kind of a big brother he is if he hurt his little brother?

 _What is it really that lives inside him?_

The van started moving and he felt like floating. Was he even here? In reality instead of some sickening, twisted nightmare in his sleep. Shigeo buries his face into his hands and prayed that this was all had been a bad dream.

Of course reality had never been that kind to him.

….

He grew up reluctant to leave Ritsu alone.

Despite his parents concern over his rapidly deteriorating grade and his growing sociopathy toward everyone else aside from his family, Shigeo kept on staying by Ritsu's side. If he could, he'd rather stop coming to school altogether and devoted his life to his brother. Ritsu, however, told him to go to school everyday and study for himself. "I will be fine studying at home, nii-san," his brother said, gesturing to the opened book on his desk, "…it's hard reading in braille, but I'm making progress slowly"

Shigeo raised no objection and went to school everyday just to satisfy his little brother's will.

School, to put it simply, was a disastrous ordeal. The teacher was speaking too fast – _on and on and on_ \- and other students were talking in obnoxious buzz – _it's his fault his brother is blind, I heard he's the one who did it_. When lunch came, he walked by habit to the lower class area and caught himself before he opened one of the fifth grade's classroom door – _is that Kageyama's older brother? Hey, let's get away from here_. He could only stop doing so after his third week in school. Lessons were particularly hard to listen to – _You Hurt Him_. He failed every single lesson, refused to attend the supplementary class, and soon enough, his parents were called.

His father talked about it for two days straight and Shigeo stopped coming to school for the next three. It might be fortunate for him that his parents understand that they have a delicate esper with unstable mind as their son. But he could sense the desperation in his mother's voice as she asked him to please study more subtly and the frustration in his father's eyes whenever they met in the hallway. He retreated to Ritsu's room for those three days, reveling in his brother's existence.

Ritsu persistently told him that he would do just fine had he studied and made effort in class. He did not answer him and Ritsu gave him a hug. "Stop blaming yourself…" his voice was muffled by the fabric of your clothes, "…please stop self deprecating yourself, nii-san…" he replied the hug, but he stayed silent. He couldn't do it. He couldn't. Ritsu is too kind, too…

"Nii-san?"

"Can we stay like this for a while?" his voice was hoarse and he was sure he wouldn't be able to say anything else after, "I…I…" he pressed his face against the small shoulder of his brother and let his tears drenched the fabric.

There was a warm hand drawing circle on the small of his back, "Okay…" he heard Ritsu's gentle reply, "…for as long as you like…"

…

The world is not a kind place.

But it once was kind and Shigeo might have taken it for granted.

In this kind world, Ritsu was as healthy as he can be. He could see everything in crystal clear sight and his smile was the most blinding thing Shigeo had ever seen. He spoke with confidence and his eyes sparkled whenever they play together. Ritsu was number one in the school and everyone seemed to admire him although the boy himself didn't like the attention and preferred to be left alone. Shigeo was content seeing his brother being adored by the crowds. He stayed in the sideline and cheered him on from afar. His little brother would never fail to notice him among the crowds despite of his nearly non-descript look and was not afraid to approach him and showed him his affection.

In this kind world, Shigeo aspired to be like his little brother. He didn't want to be his brother's burden, that heavyweight that seemed to chain his brother down. This was why he refused the kind offer Ritsu had made to listen to his problem should he had one. How many times had he lied that everything was fine? That he had no trouble and Ritsu shouldn't concern himself over him.

It was a good world to live in, a fantasy that seemed so unreal.

However, as he stated before, the world is not that kind.

Here he was, in a world where he was the one who robbed everything from Ritsu.

Here he was, in a world where Ritsu suffered the consequence of his action.

Here he was, patching the hole he made with mossed woods and rusted nails.

Here he was, wondering if it would be better if he didn't exist in the first place.

…

Ritsu was crying.

It was the first week of his hospital leave and he was sniffing and sobbing and tossing and turning – _and writhing and whimpering and…dYinG_. Shigeo literally threw the door open and cautiously took ahold of his brother's struggling form. "It will be okay" he started, running a hand down Ritsu's back softly. His brother cried desperately, calling for his name and begged for him to please, please let his eyes see everything. "It's fine, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" he couldn't cry now, not in front of his brother who was depending on him to give comfort and assurance.

"It's so dark, nii-san, please, just…" the word caught in Ritsu's throat and his sobs overwhelmed everything else. Nothing else was in his mind as he pleaded for Ritsu to be patient and to keep hoping, that one day, light would eventually come back to his sight. That his eyes would gain back their ability to see. He apologized that it couldn't be now, that he's powerless against Ritsu's disability. He apologized again. And again. And again. And again. He couldn't keep count on how many times had he apologized. But he kept adding the number as he clung to Ritsu as if he would disappear into the darkness if he didn't.

"You'll be okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that this have to end up like this, I'm sorry that you-" he breathed through his nose, holding back the tears prickling his eyes, "…I'm sorry, Ritsu, I'm sorry…" he couldn't speak of anything else but apology. He shuddered when Ritsu slowly stopped sobbing, a hand much like his – but less bloody- travelled up to his hair and stroked his scalp gently, mussing his hair. "It's okay, nii-san, it's not your fault" Ritsu whispered in coarse voice, hiccups spilling occasionally from his lips, "…it's nothing, I'll be fine, okay?"

He really didn't deserve his little brother.

…

 _Why are you holding back?_

The voice started out of nowhere one day, ringing inside his skull and Shigeo blinked in confusion.

 _Why are you holding yourself back?_

He looked to his right where Ritsu was busy concentrating on his dinner with furrowed eyebrows. They were having seafood pasta. His mother had hinted it during breakfast - he scarcely remembered that bit of light-hearted conversation before he went to school this morning. Ritsu shoveled the food inside his mouth carefully as to not spill any to the table since he would hate it if his disability to eat properly caused someone else the hassle to clean after him like an infant.

 _Is it him?_

Flinched, his head swiveled around, eyes darting around to see what he couldn't.

 _It's_ _ **him**_ _, isn't it?_

"Have you done eating, nii-san?" Ritsu asked him, his fork clanking against the empty plate. He turned sharply toward his brother, at Ritsu's voice as if it had snapped him back to the world right in front of his very eyes. "N-no!" he stuttered, grabbing his fork hastily to cover for the odd pause. Ritsu stiffened, gazing –can he really?- at him with what could be described as a worried look.

 _Should I finish_ _ **him**_ _off for you?_

"NO!" he shouted. The fork in his hand twisted until it was nothing but a crumpled metal, the plate on the table trembled as if an earthquake had occurred. He threw the fork toward the wall in a fit of panic and dropped himself to the floor. The chair he was seated on previously fell and shook erratically. There's a voice calling his name, but he ignored it in favor of screaming continuous stream of, "NONONONONO!" toward the phantom with his face haunting the room in sinister whispers and glinting red eyes.

 _It would be so easy. YoU'Ve_ _ **BliNDEd HIM**_ _before, surely it would be easy to just-_

"No, stop…STOP!" he screamed, begging, pleading for the shadow to leave him alone, to stop speaking altogether.

 _ **-FInISh tHe jOB?**_

"NII-SAN!"

Shigeo registered two pair of arms around his waist. He blinked, noticing that there were tears running down his cheeks and that his feet weren't touching the ground. The whole room was a mess of broken plates and utensils, flipped table and chairs along with a rotated fridge levitating with its cord dangerously swinging back and forth a few inches to his front. He looked down to see a tuft of familiar black hair. Ritsu buried his face to his shirt, clinging desperately on his waist. He was standing on his tiptoe considering that Shigeo himself was floating in a height where his head barely centimeters from the ceiling.

The voice had silenced, retreated somewhere Shigeo couldn't take a guess. It could be toward one of the dark corners of this house, or somewhere out there in the woods, waiting with batted breath to come over and try again to take ahold of what little control that he had left. Or it could be somewhere much closer. The back of his mind; that dark space that Shigeo didn't dare try to venture in.

Slowly, he lowered himself, unlatched Ritsu's arms from his waist –god, Ritsu was shaking so much it's a miracle he could stand on tiptoe during _that_ \- and with a flick of his fingers, he put everything back to normal as tenderly as he could. Ritsu didn't waste any time to tackle him into a full-blown hug and sobbed softly into the material of his shirt. Small fists curled on the white fabric and his chest tightened at the sight.

Once again, he brought sorrow to his brother's poor life.

"I-I'm…okay, Ritsu…" he muttered under his breath.

He was not sure he was.

….

The voice started to haunt him. It always came inconsistently, striking when he least expect it. In the middle of the class during lesson, lunchtime, and during dinner with his family. Sometimes, the whispers could be heard when he's walking home with his brother as well. He contained everything under his skin and thick barrier. Ritsu did ask him one day, expressing his worry in a subtle protest that his big brother was keeping things from him. "I might not be able to see, but I could sense your distress you know…" he muttered with a frown, "…it's…discomforting…"

Shigeo gave him the usual answer he always gave him, "It's nothing, really…" and took his brother's hand to remind himself that his brother was really here, existing instead of being buried six feet under or scattered among the rolling waves. This answer prompted more question from the younger boy, but they were left on the tip of Ritsu's tongue. He had never voiced it, so Shigeo didn't feel obligated to answer him. What's the point of telling an answer to a question he wasn't asked despite knowing that it upset Ritsu to no end?

It was during the end of the first week when Ritsu first enrolled to the new school –a school for disabled that he indirectly forced him to attend- that the voice finally overwhelmed everything else. He knew he shouldn't be slipping out of Ritsu's grip, that his brother needed his guidance to get home –he had stubbornly refused to use a cane. But the voice was _KILL HIM_ \- filling his ears with _**KiLL hiM!**_ \- dread and anger and madness _**whAt ARe yoU WAitInG FOr?**_ -all rolled into one that he almost stopped breathing at all.

He ran. He pulled his hand from his brother's grip, causing a surprised gasp out of Ritsu before he ran away blindly. _**Why aRe yoU So PItifUL?**_ He really wanted it to shut up. _**I might cONSidER ShuTtIng Up iF YOu'rE NoT sUCh a COwaRd**_ he breathed sharply, hissing through gritted teeth.

His feet trembled when exhaustion caught up with him. How long had he been running, god, he had left Ritsu in the middle of the road to fend off by himself! _**Are you really worried?**_ His eyes widened, his curled fist tightened beside his waists. He gritted his teeth, forcing his mind to take control of what little he had left. _**Aren't you so pent up? You have all these powers, but HE manipulates you to stop using it altogether!**_ Ritsu did not do such a thing. He's the one that stopped by his own accord. It was not because of… _ **How long do you want to deny it? FOR HOW LONG?**_

"You-"

With unseeing eyes, he continued to stare at the path laid before him. Who? The figure felt like himself, less powerful, but he understood they are of the same feather. Another esper, his mind thought. The peeled asphalt on the road was interesting, he forced himself to think. There was no need for him to see another proof of his cursed power. No need for him to think that someone else has this kind of power, but managed to control themselves, unlike him. Unlike him. Unlike him. Unlike HIM. UNLIKE HIM.

HEISTERRIBLEHEISTERRIBLEHEISTERRIBLE

 _Ritsu is hurt?_

 _Is Ritsu hurt?_

 **Do you even care anymore?**

He finally looked at the esper before him, let out a bitter smile and fell to the back of his mind.

….

Maybe it was better this way, he thought. They were walking home together: Ritsu with his hand wrapped around his own and Hanazawa –that esper who is not terrible like him- who walked behind them, careful not to disturb their private bubble yet sometimes boldly threw an opinion at Ritsu's exclamation. And him, beside Ritsu, hearing the banter from both side, his thought muffled in their conversation to think about anything else.

The voice had stopped coming ever since Hanazawa took it upon himself to walk home together with them.

Shigeo did not dare to call him as his friend however closer he had started to become, but he trusted the blond boy enough that he would allow his presence beside his protective circle as long as he understood his limit. They fell into the habit of walking home together with him listening to Ritsu's constant story about his day and Hanazawa's adept reply and suggestion over problematic occurrence that popped out from the story. It was enough to keep him preoccupied that everything else slid into the back of his mind and quieted down.

This was nice, he thought.

Squeezing Ritsu's hand, he let a small smile grace his lips.

….

There were times when Shigeo was not available to accompany Ritsu. Those times were the most frustrating moments in his life as he had to entrust Ritsu to Hanazawa's hand. The blond esper is capable, Shigeo knows that much. And he would never try to hurt Ritsu, another reason that adds to Hanzawa's good points. Their mother had even met Hanazawa and she actually likes the boy enough to trust him with her sons. She even asked him about where Hanazawa lives and told him to bring him food when he found out he lives all by himself.

Shigeo does trust Hanazawa enough, but he still would prefer himself to keep watch on Ritsu rather than someone else. Ritsu himself has told him that he'll be alright and would tell him if Hanazawa dared to do anything out of context. Hanazawa has vowed that he would never touched Ritsu if it's not consented –why does that sound so wrong, he wonders- by his younger brother.

Why isn't that enough for him to believe that Ritsu will be fine with Hanazawa today?

It was that day when he needed to attend extra class due to his abysmal grade. Nothing was wrong with attending once in a while so he agreed quite easily. Yet after he sat himself on his seat and the teacher began her speech, he felt a slight jolt of pain from his head. Something was definitely wrong. He stood up, bag in his hands, ready to run home or wherever Ritsu was. The teacher gave him a look before she walked to the door and locked it with a twist of her fingers.

"You won't leave this room until I see an improvement, Kageyama" she admonished.

As an appropriate response, he growled at her.

He skimmed through the supplementary lesson's material, ignoring the teacher most of the time and filling his head with different scenarios that could happen during his little brother and Hanazawa's walk home. It irritated him enough that he glared permanently at the teacher with a deadpan look on his face that could probably the cause for said teacher's sudden stutters.

He needed to finish all of this bullshit and quickly find Ritsu before he explodes from worry.

When the teacher finally -with a nervous look on her face- declared him clear to go home, he threw everything into his bag in record time and ran out of the class with a loud, "Thank you and bye!" addressed to the teacher. He didn't care if it's rude or not, all he cared at this moment was his brother's whereabouts. He stomped through his way home, his breath heavy with worry and anxiety.

Has Ritsu arrived at their home, yet?

At the back of his mind, he could feel something gnawing. An instinct, an invisible thread that the world might have woven between him and Ritsu; a link that connects them together. He gritted his teeth together, knowing that he shouldn't be this anxious, that Hanazawa is walking Ritsu home and he shouldn't be doubting the blond esper. Still something was happening to his brother, good or bad he couldn't quite tell.

He arrived home in record time and opened the front door hastily, his mind running through scenarios after scenarios that could have happened to his brother. The voice that had been so quite, muffled in the far corner of his mind had started to giggle and his breath hitched.

There were no shoes in the porch.

…

 **One of the guest who commented on the companion story of this one had asked 'How can Ritsu see them nod or shake their head if he's blind?' well, umm…I think I wrote that either the one who gestures with their head eventually realized and answered his question verbally –in which Ritsu will wait, patiently- or it's a rhetorical question and Ritsu could guess what the other's answer is. I noticed that there's that one scene when Teru nodded to answer and Ritsu replied him. This one was intended to be rhetorical. But if it really bothers you, I apologized for my carelessness or for anything else that anyone else found incorrect and I didn't mention it here…feel free to drop anything to me.**


	2. Chapter 2

**The world before a pair of unseeing eyes was surprisingly even more complex than to those who could see. Ritsu learnt through the darkness that he could create a world of his own with countless lines of white and black drawn with all his capable senses.**

…

At first it was hard to suddenly lose all the colors in his life so abruptly.

There would be no more bright blue sky or beautiful white moon. No vividly assorted colors of flowers in the field near his home nor striped or spotted candy wrappers inside the jars in confectionary store's display. All that's left was just an empty, hollow darkness that stretched out as far as his eyes could see – or not see, he didn't know.

It was devastating to know that he had lost his sight for what might seem to be forever. He clung onto the small hope of regaining it back, though it might be just a reassurance for his brother who seemed to be blaming himself over and over again every single day.

Thankfully, losing his sight made his other senses grew sharper than what they were previously able to do: his ears were keener to differentiate individual voices among the sea of crowds, his nose grew better at identifying people around him, and the nerves scattered across the surface of his skin are more sensitive for him to distinguish matters or even human skin. They all helped him shaped the world around him, painting it in images that his mind created base on what his senses had captured.

More or less, Ritsu is confident that he would be able to navigate himself around his own house or other closed space without bumping into walls or stumbling with the stairs. He had memorized how many steps he should take if he wants to reach anywhere in the house or even how high each cabinet in his house should he need to retrieve anything from the storage spaces. It was fairly easy for him to do so. Finding his way around his new school was slightly harder. But it was achievable and Ritsu has too much of a pride to let himself be led around like a helpless _blind_ boy.

The world around him is a conjured up picture that he draws on the surface of the dark canvas that had engulfed his vision. Sometimes he could remember colors; make it glow so they wouldn't be swallowed up by the darkness. Though everything seemed duller and looked more like a saturated painting instead of its real, radiant colors. Usually he would make lines, countless lines of white as if chalk or white marker drew them. It was way more efficient and faster than to pour bucket of somber colors on everything that he had imagined.

From the contour of individual face, the stiff line from inorganic creatures, and even the unstable, ever-changing outline of the outside world where the cars could come from out of nowhere and people are too busy to look what's in front of them. His parents faces are scribbled into his mind and he could easily pictured the changes in them as he listened in on their voices and reactions.

Shaping his brother's face is probably the hardest obstacle to overcome.

What burnt inside his head was the spectral being in **his brother** 's body with **his brother** 's lips twisted into a sickening grin and pure, untapped raw power slipping through the pore of **his brother** 's skin. It didn't make him pull away from Shigeo, no, the warmth from guilt and regret that his brotherexudes continuously exceeds every single fear that he had for that inhuman being. Yet the last sight he saw of his brother was the specter who grinned wolfishly and it left such deep impression inside his mind he couldn't remember how Shigeo's kind face looks like.

It wasn't frightening, no, it isn't anymore. Which was why he's upset of his incapability to forget that image and his lack of memory to remember the real face beneath the phantom that both is and is not his brother. Surprisingly, he doesn't mind it. Maybe he's wrapping his arms around the black pliant skin where psychic power in its rawest possible form is slipping out between his fingers, who could exactly tell?

He didn't mind it.

It's still his brother who embraces him in such protectiveness.

It's still his brother who whispers apologies and encouragement as they slept side by side, contented with each other's presence.

The only difference he could spot was the waves of emotions that crashed on him as his brother struggled to keep everything under the lid.

He understands that Shigeo is constantly suppressing his power under the confinement of his emotional barrier. Should he show even the slightest emotion, his power could slide through the fissure on the wall and explode in sparks of uncontrollable psychic show. As he felt those emotions during the nights when Shigeo was submerged neck deep in his negative emotions and snuck into his room to sleep by his side, he absorbed them into his own being, changed them into neutral emotions and let them drift back to his brother. His heightened senses made it easier for him to made them his own.

Maybe being blind had its perks?

Maybe he should be blind to keep his brother's safe from that shadow?

Maybe it was not so.

Maybe fate was just playing a cruel joke on them, to make both brothers relied too heavily on one another and ripped them apart once they are so attached to each other?

But in that moment, Ritsu was satisfied with Shigeo's contented face as he slept on.

…

Hanazawa Teruki is quite simple to understand.

A curious soul is indeed easy to spot in this world full with doubtful individual who prefers to keep to themselves rather than making effort to get to know people better.

At first, Ritsu suspected him to be a threat –he's not wrong, he _refused_ to be called wrong- but as he soaked in his brother's envy the night after they left the bruised Hanazawa, he could understand what had happened and why had his brother lashed out. It seemed that, no matter how many emotions he drew from Shigeo, there would always be a trigger which could send his effort to soothe his brother back to square one. And Hanazawa was a great reminder of his power – the power that Shigeo had grown to hate with all his might – if he's able to keep it under his control. Whatever had happened during their confrontation, he could tell that his big brother did not mean to do that. He just couldn't take it anymore.

His protective instinct still kicked in though when Hanazawa started following them home.

Once Shigeo told him that it's fine for the other esper to accompany them during their walk home, Ritsu found himself trying to comprehend Hanazawa Teruki fully.

Not as easy as he thought it would be.

There were limits that Shigeo put up when he permitted Hanazawa in their small circle: he should never try to use his power and he should never try to touch Ritsu. Two unspoken rules that Hanazawa unknowingly obeyed faithfully.

The third week after Hanazawa became a constant existence behind them, Ritsu finally asked his brother about how Hanazawa looks like.

Shigeo sounded a bit guilty – like he always does whenever Ritsu asked for visual description of anything – as he described the physical distinction that made up Hanazawa: "He has blond hair which fall to his shoulder in layered cut and a pair of blue eyes. His pink lips are often tugged into a smile," he tried picturing Hanazawa with those sentences drawing lines after lines to sketch him, "…slender body, fair skin, he always wears purple uniform with his school insignia etched on the chest pocket" he added shade of colors to the lines, adding every little tidbits into his picture.

When it was finished, he was looking at a handsome boy with a smile that balances the word smug and sincere at the same time. A boy who has bright blond hair and sparkling azure eyes that gleamed in an almost childish curiosity. It stayed for about ten seconds before his mind decided that keeping the color as bright as that would be too much of a hassle and bled it out of its radiance.

It's a start, he thought grimly.

"He looked lovely" was what he said to his brother.

…

There was something different when Hanazawa spoke that day. A tingle of hesitation, something akin to fear was fluctuating in his otherwise calm state.

It was one of those days -when Shigeo couldn't take him home due to unpredicted situation.

Shigeo had to stay for a cultural festival meeting –he's surprised that his classmates managed to keep him in the class for that- and he was walking home with Hanazawa-san who Shigeo must've asked to walk him home. With his brother's warning to be cautious of the other esper, he went home, his hand clutched on Hanazawa's.

With their hands intertwined, Hanazawa began their conversation, "If I tell you that you might be able to learn how to sense human, will you come with me?"

Ritsu snorted, squeezing the fingers laced with his own in a manner that will sure to leave a memorable bruise, "And here I thought advertising is done by door to door or through media," Hanazawa's hand twitched nervously and he squeezed tighter, "…a sales pitch won't herd me in your favor, Hanazawa-san" he said firmly, ending the supposedly promotional offer before further elaboration. This is not a lie. He truly hates salesman speech thanks to a persistent salesman who seemed keen on waving his hand in front of Ritsu's eyes and laughed exaggeratingly when he mentioned –rather rudely - that he could hear his hand slashing the air.

"Even if I say that it's free?"

"That would make it even more suspicious than it was!" he snapped, earning himself a sudden spasm from the other esper. What's with this line of questioning, his defensive mind asked, yet Ritsu chose not to voice it. He furrowed his eyebrows instead, relaying as much irritation as he could from his lightless eyes. Hanazawa was regretful when he finally squeezed back, thumb circling apologetic circles on the back of his palm.

"Sorry, sorry," Hanazawa murmured softly, "…that was so stupid of me, huh?"

Huffing, Ritsu muttered incomprehensible agreement.

...

Reigen Arataka is a man with bizarre charms.

Ritsu might not be able to sense human, but all of his senses captured Reigen perfectly, it surprised him that the lines were starting to form in his mind when he first heard his voice. He doesn't have a singer voice - which immediately mesmerized you -, but it left enough impression on you to hear further and even anticipated what he would say next. A bell that announces time in the temple; he would likened the voice. Or maybe, the bamboo fountain in the pond. Every time he speaks, his voice asks for your undivided attention so you would not miss every underlying intent he means through the jumble of clever words his silver tongue seems to produce in massive numbers.

The smell of tobacco lingers around the man, along with the smell of caffeine and another scent that he couldn't quite identify. It's probably the smell of men's cologne from an unknown store brand that was mixed with sweat. It was not an unpleasant smell; in fact, it reminded him somewhat of a nostalgic smell. Something in the back of his mind knocked softly twice before whatever it was retreated shyly to where it came from. A fleeting memory, he guessed, of a world that is not his to live in.

"So…" Hanazawa started. They've just gone back from the older man's apartment after agreeing on a day to meet again and they had been silent for too long, Hanazawa should've started talking –cue the awkward start. "He sounded trustful enough" was what he deemed as an appropriate enough answer to the unspoken question. A hum of understanding, followed by a reassuring squeeze. Surprisingly enough, Hanazawa stayed silent afterward, lost in thought, most likely. Ritsu enjoyed the silence though, his thought needed it to reassert itself back to its-

He stopped.

"Hanazawa-san…"

Was he trembling? Was his voice quivering? Did he sound…odd? Why did that prickle of fear from Hanazawa spiked? Did he…tip himself off?

"Ritsu…can you stay behind my back?" there's an unfamiliar protectiveness which came from Hanazawa. Ritsu swallowed –bitter, he noted-, "It's nii-san…isn't it?" he spelt the word one by one like he's pulling out swords from his mouth with each syllable of truth. Hanazawa didn't say anything, but his grip tightened and instead of replying, he was pulled to press against Hanazawa's side, a thick barrier sprung around them protectively. If his brother is guilt, regret and protectiveness condensed into one, then Hanazawa is confidence, fear, and –strangely enough- protectiveness all rolled into one.

He couldn't think about it further as the world around him twisted in a way Ritsu couldn't guess. White lines crumbling, the darkness shifting; his brother's emotions tore into his world of darkness and shook his very core. Fear tightened his chest and Ritsu gasped when the world he'd built since he was robbed of his sight started to collapse on itself. He needed to find Shigeo, and fast, before his brother did something even more unfixable than toppling the base of his world. Hanazawa did not want to let him go when he expressed his intent, so Ritsu grabbed the older boy's arms in return, keeping their body pressed against one another and opened his mouth,

"Come with me then if you're that worried!"

Fear overwhelmed Hanazawa if only for a flicker of a moment and Ritsu absorbed it into his own fear. It's much harder than when he had to do it with his brother, blood and his connection to his brother helps a lot to circulate the emotions between them. He noted that, physical contact _helped_ him concentrate and Ritsu gritted his teeth as he felt the immense fear from Hanazawa mingling with his own.

This was the first time he ever try this trick to someone else.

Receiving the fear as a part of his emotions meant experiencing whatever comes with it. Worry was just a small part of it, what came with it was a list of negative emotions which included self-doubt and anxiety. It rattled his own fear, immensely multiplying it to the point he had to numb himself. The swirl of emotions intended to shake him just like his brother's emotions were currently doing. Ritsu ignored it, pushed everything to the back seat and instead focusing on sending what's left of his calmness to quell the turmoil in Hanazawa.

He might not be able to see how Hanazawa looked like, but he could picture the surprise he felt when he transferred the soothed emotion back to the esper. "How did you-" the fear had greatly reduced and Ritsu loosened his grip to catch his breath. "Don't ask, just," he took a gulp of air, "…let's go to nii-san…I need to fix this…" he heard Hanazawa sighed –much calmer and less anxious.

"Alright," the blond finally said, keeping them pressed together, "…let's go…"

…

This was not how Ritsu wanted it to become.

He clutched the phone in his hand, knowing that the new number in his phone was just one click away. His other hand gripped at nothingness; Hanazawa had been ripped away from his side the moment Shigeo noticed them. Ritsu grimaced as he felt the waves of protectiveness that came from his brother –was it still his brother?- in curls of thick tendrils wrapping themselves around his form. He was shaking. Was he scared? It was his brother, he shouldn't be scared…why was he frightened?

 _Ritsu….Ritsu…Ritsu…_

"I'm here, nii-san…" he replied to –the spectral being? His brother?- the call.

 _Are you hurt? Ritsu, are you okay?_

His brother was just worried, he tried to convince himself, "I'm alright, I'm fine, I'm okay" he stuttered, the overwhelming presence of his brother engulfed everything, disabling his senses, he couldn't even feel where Hanazawa had ended up in.

 _I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm sorry…_

The string of apologies started. Ritsu winced at how hurt it had sounded, how agony had rooted itself deep into his brother's core and changed him into something that he almost couldn't recognize as Shigeo. As he took deep gulp of air to calm himself; emotions pierced into his body, forced the last bit of calmness he had garnered out of him. It hurt. It was painful. It's like having hot lead injected directly to his blood flow.

Ritsu opened his mouth to reply, but his throat was clogged with bitter bile.

He sobbed instead.

It didn't stop even as tears flowed down his cheeks, even when he try to reply it with choked acceptance and messy sobs for his brother to stop. The painful flow of emotions didn't stop, couldn't stop, wouldn't stop. He was suffocating. Drowning. Deeper into the sea of his brother's emotions.

 _Is everything alright, Kageyama-kun?_

A voice.

Whose voice?

 _Hello, is anybody there?_

Reigen? His mind barely registered the familiar voice. How? Why? Where?

As if answering his mind, the voice started again, small vibrations from the tip of his fingers channeled into warmth that was starting to subdue a fragment of Shigeo's emotions. His phone? Was it his phone?

 _Kageyama-kun? Are you alright? Do you want to meet now? Or should I come over? I mean it's fine, though you should ask for permission from your parents first or…well, yeah, should I really explain that to you?_

Ritsu gathered everything into the words in his throat, his breath came out in quickened pace, "Re-" he choked, coughed, wheezing to inhale much needed oxygen to the sudden gripping around his lungs. Shigeo made a sound akin to an irritated growl, the tendrils around him tightened in what supposedly to be a protective embrace –but no, he was being strangled by how much his brother _love_ him. He forced his throat to produce a sound, anything at all to notify the man he had just put half his trust in.

"Reigen-san-" he gagged, pulling every bit of self he still had left in his consciousness and finally, let out a shout of desperation, "IT'S NII-SAN!" before the darkness finally pulled him away from his own world.

…

There were no more lines. No lines of white. No dull color from watered down paint. No outline made of chalk nor sketchy scribbles of various places.

It was only darkness.

And Ritsu slept on.

…

 **Look who's back~**

 **God, I swore this just went waaaayyy out of my freaking draft. My fingers decided to take a stroll on the realm of unknown and…well, screw my brain out.**

 **Previously, this was posted as a separated fic, then I realized…oh, what if nobody knows…and I think I'm quite right, so…here you go, I'll just combine all of these into one multi-chaptered fic...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Reigen lived as a normal human. To put it even simpler, he's just a normal salary man you can find everywhere in the street –though, he assure you, he would not reek of booze and puke. What might differ him was probably the image of someone (who his mind insisted should be here) who flickered occasionally at the corner of his eyes. Or maybe it's just that spoilt milk he drank this morning…**

No, the blond esper did not tell him his name.

It was rather rude, but Reigen had seen worse manner than this kid. So he welcomed the boy warmly, offering a few selections of beverages –or whatever inside his sparse refrigerator- and asked him to sit down on the worn down sofa. The esper looked wary, though he eventually ended up with a cracked ceramic mug filled with tea while seated on the creaky spring of Reigen's sofa. The awkward silent started as he watched the boy stared at the steam rising up from the hot drink.

"Decided to take me up on my offer?" he took the seat right across the boy.

"Decided to put a little bit of trust on you…" was what the boy replied.

Reigen chuckled, "Just a little?"

Cold and calculating blue eyes shot to meet his dark ones, "The number dwindles with particular choice of words, Reigen-san" the boy muttered before he brought his lips to the rim of the cup and blew softly. Reigen ran a hand through his sleek –slightly dry, he duly noted- hair. This was different than dealing with his co-workers or superior. He didn't know to what extend the boy's psychic power could reach, but he was sure he had heard of espers who can read mind. At least that's what the _Psychic and You_ had written regarding types of psychic powers.

A long sip and the boy brought the cup down to put it gently on the coffee table, glancing up toward Reigen, "Why?" he asked, the word behind his voice easily played into Reigen's head. He inhaled deeply, piecing together an answer that would satisfy the boy, "I would say that I'm intrigued by your power, but that would be a half lie," he ignored how the boy's glare seemed to intensify, "…have you ever had a vision?"

The boy did not answer, but the faint twitch of his lips indicated a rather positive answer, so Reigen continued forth, "Someone from the corner of my sight, a boy that I should've met, those kind of things," he dared a glance at the boy, "…I'm having memories from a time not of our own and I hope that being in the presence of esper could yield me an answer" the blond esper turned his head, finally breaking his fixed stare, preferring to stare at his empty –should've put up a poster or something there- undecorated wall.

He let the boy contemplated on what he had said, let him choose for himself if he should put more trust in Reigen, that he simply wanted to know the truth behind the constant appearance of a boy in his mind. There's a minute distrust in his voice when the boy finally spoke up, his eyes glinted in suspicion, "You just wish to use us" he said brusquely, crossing his arms. Reigen gave a shrug, "Esper or not, a child needs an adult to talk to," he said as nonchalant as he could, "…I'm offering to be a confidant that you can't find in your parents, and believe me, I'm a man who knows when to keep his mouth shut" he ended it firmly, meeting the boy's eyes to show his conviction.

No one said anything for a few moments. Reigen decided it's a good kind of silence, not the awkward one, but the reflective one. The boy took his words and was currently deliberating it inside his mind, though the flat expression was nothing decisive that it really was what the boy was doing.

After what seemed to be forever, the boy stood up, briefly glanced at the window behind Reigen, "I'll come to talk to you again…" he finally said.

 _May I come to talk to you again?_

Reigen nodded, letting the image for once overlapped to replace the boy before him.

…

He came over again.

A week after that, a Saturday, that day when he should be having his much needed nap in his precious day off. It's the day that the blond chose to come over again. Just like last week. He let the boy in though, gave him the same exact cup he'd given the week before, filled with the similar hot tea –more watered down though since he's running out of tealeaves. They sat at the same spot each of them had seated previously and the blond blew over the tea just as softly.

"Do you know a lot about espers?"

Reigen blinked, caught off guard by the abruptly straight question. He recovered quickly though, coughing to his fist as if he's prepared for a grand speech. "I've never met one before you, that's the truth" he placed his hand under his chin, "…but I don't think they are different than others, espers are just human with psychic power, that's all"

A snort, "How naïve can you be, Reigen-san?" the boy said dryly as he shook the cup, watching the tea swirled. He shrugged, "I don't think that's naivety," the esper raised an inquiry eyebrow, "…I would say I'm 'aware' rather than naive" he moved his palm on the air as if he could conjure the word out of nowhere. The boy narrowed his eyes, took a deep sip of the tea, and waited. The glare he was given was a demanding one, but Reigen merely rubbed his chin and asked, "How about you? Do you know a lot about espers?" the boy blinked, a flicker of bemusement flashed on his blue eyes before he ducked to his cup again and stopped, his lips parted. Contemplating, Reigen noted, the boy seemed awfully dependent on his own belief and would not open up to any other ideas until he managed to switch that to his favor. After a few moment, the boy looked up, eyes determined.

"I don't" he said.

That was unexpected. Reigen twined his fingers together and rested them on his lap, "You don't?" he repeated. The boy nodded, "All of us, young espers are probably as clueless about who we really are" his fingers were tapping against the cup in a rhythm that he couldn't hear, "…we have power, yes, we use them, yes, but that's probably because it is what we have. Strip that power from us and we probably would be an ignorant puppet with no purpose" Reigen saw a wistful wince from the boy and wondered if this was an opening; a vulnerable gap that the boy finally trust him enough to disclose.

"I came to that conclusion when I met those brothers…" the boy glanced toward his -uninteresting- wall, his sight distant, "…they pulled me out of my fantasy, remind me how human we all are" there was a meaningful glint in the blond's eyes.

He let those words sank in, let the boy relished the silence he had allowed them to indulge in. Clearly, the boy wanted to talk, not being talked to, and Reigen had offered him a pair of ears to listen. He's just doing his job right now, hearing what the boy had longed to voice out.

When the sun had started to set, the boy put the cup -as gently as he did last week- on the coffee table and stood up. "If you try to harm them physically or mentally," the boy started as he walked toward his door, "…I would make sure your death is as painful and slow as it possibly can…"

"Is that going to be my good bye every time we met?" Reigen tried to crack a smile on his face, but he knew it came out wrong and awkward.

The smile on the boy's face was surprisingly warm despite his previous wordings, "We'll see…" he murmured as the door swung close behind him.

…

"IT'S NII-SAN!"

Reigen did not waste any time to delay his departure. He had been preparing himself, fixing his button, slipping his feet into his shoes, and grappling for the apartment key as he heard the troubled sounds coming from the other side. Kageyama had called him after two hours and judging by the horrible static that the phone had captured, he expected something had gone very wrong. And when Kageyama had shouted with such finality in his voice, the static spiked and Reigen disconnected before his phone would explode, overflowed by information. He flipped the phone close and slid it down his pants pocket. The device was warm to the touch.

Breaking his record time, he flew down the flight of stairs, ignoring people who cluck their tongue at his antics. He didn't, couldn't care less.

It was easy to find the scene, his legs seemed to walk him to the main stage all by themselves. Hanazawa was the first that he found: slumped near a telephone pole. Unconscious, but miraculously unharmed. He quickly grabbed the boy's wrist, pressing his thumb firmly on the faint bump. It's slow, but it's still beating and Reigen sighed, a part of his tension relieved.

He looked to the right and winced.

It was a spectacle. An unpleasant, but marvelous spectacle.

Psychic power in full force was being presented to his very eyes. The power that makes humans weak in comparison, that defied every logic that any physicist ever concluded. It was all bare before his sight, playing out like some sort of cheap theatrical show in the street under the hot heat of summer sun.

Somewhere inside those whirlwind of debris and emotions is the older of Kageyama brothers. And Ritsu was probably near the eye of the storm.

Reigen wasn't a trained acrobat. He knows self-defense; the most basic set of skills, but that is all he knows. However, there was no other choice but to push through. To push through and wish that he has enough luck to survive. Swallowing the last of his hesitation, he stepped into the chaos.

The wind felt like nothing.

It was a strange experience to say the least. Maybe it's because he's a human, but nothing seemed to affect him in any way. The hazardous piece of buildings or road seemed to avoid him, the wind was barely felt upon his skin. If there's anything that could harm him, it's probably the dull thud from the headache at the corner of his head. The flickering images of a boy, crying, regretting, and telling whoever it is to stop doing this grew clearer as he stepped closer to the center; the core where the storm originated.

There were two boys in the center: one who was laid unconscious on the road and another who was kneeled before him like a mourned soldier before his dead comrade. Reigen opened his mouth, let the image of the crying boy replaced the mourner, letting the haunting name slipped out of his lips as he reached for the boy's cheeks,

"Mob…" he said, his voice reserved, calm, and emphatic, "…it's okay…"

To what?

But he echoed it again, "It's okay…" he pressed his thumbs against the wet cheeks, "…it's okay, Mob…it's okay…" gently wiping the tears, he continued. It's like pacifying a weeping child. With emotions that could explode everything into oblivion and fragileness that would ensure that the world could easily ignite those unstable emotions into burning inferno.

Abruptly, everything around him stopped, as if strung with invisible threads to stay afloat.

"I'm not okay…" the boy sniffled.

Reigen didn't reply.

… _._

There was virtually nothing that Reigen could teach the young boy with. He is no esper, no, had never even had enough to bend a metal spoon through sole willpower. A normal human that you could find anywhere in this small town. Yet here he was, trying to teach an esper kid how to use his power. A _blind_ esper kid, his mind added, who was sitting right in front of him with his eyes closed and his mouth pulled into a tight frown. A crease formed between his eyebrows to signify great deal of concentration and Reigen let out a weak smile at this sight.

This felt familiar.

Although another sight seemed to overlap with what he was seeing before him, another boy, the older brother –blurry, but so real it took him a few moment to blink it out of his reality- to replace the messy haired esper across him. He shook his head and slapped his cheeks to snap himself back to the reality before him. Focus, he thought, he shouldn't be faltering during this exercise. It felt different, being in the presence of Kageyama Ritsu. Yes, his name is Kageyama Ritsu, not someone else with the same family name –'Mo-' his mind teased before he stopped the train of that specific thought.

Kageyama Ritsu doesn't have the usual air that a kid in general should have. He's far too serious, far too mature to be a thirteen year old kid and too confident and prideful to have a disability. "Ritsu-kun, you're too tense…" he admonished, poking the boy with a rolled up newspaper, "…relax a bit, it will increase your awareness to your surrounding…" Ritsu made a baffled face before he grunted and squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. Reigen sighed as the boy seemed to tense even further, "Be one with your surrounding, not consciously be more aware of it," he stood to stretch his aching back –he's been sitting straight for two hours-, "…blend with the flow and you'll soon easily differ every single part that makes up the whole picture" he twisted his upper body to loosen the knot on his waist.

"I can't blend in…" the boy replied, curling his lips into a bitter scowl, "…I'm not…a normal…" he choked on his own words and swallowed. _Human_ , Reigen guessed when the boy halted his sentence with an audible swallow.

They stayed like that for a few minutes: Reigen staring out the window of his apartment, noting the sun setting slowly and Ritsu _staring_ blankly at the coffee table as if his gaze could pierce it. "An esper is as normal as another human being," Reigen started, his eyes still fixed at the dusty glass pane of his window, "…it's a talent that you're born with just like someone who has good looks or someone who can sing high pitches" he ran a finger on the surface of the cold hard glass and winced when he saw how much dust it had accumulated. The boy stayed silent, probably contemplating his words and disagreeing vehemently inside his turbulent mind.

He turned toward the conflicting esper, clicking his tongue when indeed, Ritsu was too deep in thought, he looked constipated. "You or your brother are not different than anyone else out there, remember this!" he tried to sound firmer, more serious than he usually sounded. Not his fault that he 's expected to keep a friendly charade for as long as he possibly can so he would not offend anyone in his office. Society expectation and all that. This time, he must convey everything with his voice and, well, probably whole existence just like the boy had requested for today's practice. "Now, just picture yourself inside your own room and pretend I'm not someone you just knew a few days ago," he retrieved an old rag from the depth of his desk drawer, "…after that, relax and feel your surrounding with every sense that you have…" he grimaced at how dusty it looked.

"Why are you all the way over there?" he flinched, eyes darting toward the boy almost instantly, "…are you taking this seriously?" a grin tugged at his lips and Reigen promptly walked back to his previous spot, rag and dust and all. When he's back, Ritsu looked visibly satisfied. Still with a grin, he plopped back to his seat, "There you go, you did it…" he smiled when the boy _looked_ up at his face, puzzled, "…where am I now?"

For a moment, Reigen swore he saw the boy's eyes sparkled in delight and a small smile appeared on his stiff lips.

…

When Reigen decided that he would quit his job, he hadn't thought out everything…yet.

He didn't like his office space, his boss is a stingy man who loves nothing more than to dish out nightmarish night shift to poor unsuspecting employee, and he couldn't stand how his co-workers tried too far to lick the shoes of their superior. It's a sickening environment and Reigen wanted nothing more than to stay away from those fakes. But what could he do if he quits? He could open up an office of his own, sure, but for what? What kind of business that he could run all by himself? He reflected on himself, about his skills, his abilities, anything that he can do almost natural as breathing.

Reigen is a manipulative man, he would admit that far. His tongue is probably made of pure silver and he is so damn convincing that people easily trust him and his persona of capability. Coupled that with service skills, he decided on a consultant office. That's what he could do best. The next big question came forth: 'What kind of consultant office?'. He doesn't like unnecessarily complicated problem like an accountant counselor could probably had. Nor the stress inducing that would come as a luggage should he choose to delve into politics. When Kageyama Ritsu visited him the next week –with Hanazawa Teruki on tow- he asked for his opinion.

The boys seemed surprised that he asked and Ritsu voiced that out in blunt question of, "Is this that important to your life?" that he replied with yes, yes it is and Ritsu brutally answered back with a, "Are you pitiful enough to rely on a thirteen year old child for a life-changing decision?"

Hanazawa offered a much more logical answer with suggestion that he immediately dismissed upon hearing –he is not going to become an art consultant, he doesn't even know who the fuck Picasso is. The three fell silent, before Ritsu irritatingly said that he might as well try and exorcise spirit since he knows so much about psychic power. Reigen's eyes widened, "That's…" something seemed to click inside his mind, something that screamed at him that this is **it** , "…a good idea! Best idea so far, even! You're a genius, Ritsu-kun!" he exclaimed, forgetting that Ritsu had yet be prepared to be picked up by the arms and spun around like he's currently doing toward the esper.

He was stopped -forcefully- by Hanazawa.

"Alright," he finally said, pulling his arms that were stuck on the wall, "…that settled that so, I have a deal to make" his gaze fell to the two young boys face. Before he could speak further, Ritsu had cut him with an icy glare and a big fat "No!" voiced out in such sharpness, he wondered if words alone could kill someone.

"I could pay you handsomely-"

"You could be sued for hiring underage teenagers" pointed Hanazawa, a playfully mocking tone in his voice. Reigen's smile turned flat at this remark, "Hey, I didn't say I would hire you two, you know," he clapped his hands together and winked, "…I'm asking for your help, a favor, to put it more eloquently"

Hanazawa snorted, "Such a professional way to ask for a favor" he touched Ritsu's arm; a gesture that Reigen had understood as the gesture when they're about to go home. But he's not having that, no, he needed them! "What if, every time you two helped me with my job, I will owe you one?" he offered, desperation soaking his plea. Ritsu gave him a look, "Really?" he asked, the rare mischievous tone that a boy his age should have coating his word. Hanazawa was staring at him in disbelief, yet the smile on the boy's face hid an underlying intent that Reigen did not want to know. Not now.

"As long as it's within my power, then-"

"It's a deal!" exclaimed Hanazawa happily. Two hands swiftly took hold both of his hands and shook them in a resolute handshake.

…

The following day, Reigen found three boys in his apartment after he had delivered his resign letter to his boss.

One was standing in front of his bookshelf, humming to himself while keeping an eye out for the other two.

One was sitting down on the sofa, shoulders pressed against the last one, seemingly contented with his position.

And the last one immediately glanced toward him as he walked in.

The image did not appear again and Reigen gave a wide smile at the three, welcoming them to his temporary office.

…

 **I would say that's it…**

 **And it's a fitting end for me too….**

 **It would be marked as complete until I know how to continue this because, oh, god, there's still so much conflict and even though we know that Mob could only get better once everyone was taken under Reigen's capable hands, there are still issues that I'd love to solve. But for now…it is a complete story and…yeap. Until then-**


End file.
